Posts tagged faith

As everyone is school shopping and college touring, I’m trying to figure out how to get around the world to see my husband in the next few weeks.

I was taking my son who will turn 18 this week to a program specifically designed for high functioning young adults. It is a transitional living program. We did the tour and initiation and have committed to this while living situation while my husband and I go work in South Africa.  Even our son thinks it’s a great idea because he doesn’t want to go with us. (seems perfectly normal for an 18yr old)  

2 weeks into this process, I am told by this program that it is probably not a good fit. They don’t know what to do with him.  I freaked out. My public school didn’t know what to do with him. The End all Be all of autism agencies doesn’t know what to do with him. So, here I am, stunned and rejected and hurt. His grade school friends don’t know what to do with him. His uncles don’t know what to do with him. Most of my friends don’t know what to do with him. Shall I go on b/c the list is very long. 

The Tight Rope

Letting things fall away as I focus on my path and my son. Watching it fall and shatter because I can’t handle distraction or judgement. I can’t handle the pain and loss. I can’t handle the lonliness I feel because I am alone in this mess. I can’t handle most of all rejection right now!   I have to turn inwards and focus on that rope. My life line. Dane’s future. If you are not with me in my plan then you are against me and I can’t have that right now. I need support and encouragement. We need I can! We can! HE can. NOT he can’t do that, you can't… 

We are at a crossroads Dane and I.

I look at him and I fall to pieces! He is so resilient and uninhibited. He is kind and thoughtful. He is brilliant and creative. He loves people,even after all the rejection. I hang on to this while I teeter on the rope, it is my balance. We have come so far because of my love and ability to adapt and overcome all that is placed before us. It is because of my belief that God has a plan for my son greater than all the people that have dumped him. God has picked some amazing human beings to stand by us move our journey forward. And for that I feel blessed.